The Mother of All Jersey Fouls
Friend of Crowned Royal Lenny V. was at the game vs. Columbus the other night. He sent me this picture:
I couldn’t believe my eyes. I told him he needed to find this
scumbag individual and get an explanation.
While I waited and watched the game, my mind spiraled out of control thinking about what could possibly be the reasons for creating such an abortion of an NHL sweater:
- He is cursed by birth to have the name Getzlaf, and in an attempt to reverse this misfortune that has surely ruined most of his life, expresses his Kings’ loyalty.
- He sells jerseys for a living, since no self-respecting NHL jersey retailer would oblige such a foul request, and hopes to gain publicity for his pathetic small business of stitching abominations by creating controversial sweaters.
- He is a Sharks fan, and since urinating in public on both a Kings and Ducks jersey would be at the very least frowned upon, came up with this instead.
- He is a part of some kind of special needs program, and someone who doesn’t know any better bought him that jersey from Goodwill for 89 cents.
Then thanks to Lenny’s diligence, it came:
So I found him and said, Excuse me, Sir, but I have to ask about your jersey. He replied in an Eastern European accent, laughing, “It’s to confuse.. I like both teams!”
As an apparent outsider, he may perhaps be naive to the rivalry between the two teams. So as a displaced So-Cal resident, I suppose it’s understandable to follow and have an affinity both teams.
But the level of which this is a Jersey Foul is so deep that it may need another name.
- First, to put a player on another team’s jersey that he’s never played for is an atrocious foul on its own, simply because it is so nonsensical and might take great lengths to accomplish. I would hope the customization stand at the Staples Center didn’t perform such blasphemy.
- Second, to dis-count the fact that there is a cross-town rivalry simply to display your support of both teams is selfish, ignorant, and disrespectful.
As much as I personally solicit my fellow California residents to become fans of the game of hockey, regardless of specific franchise interest, this is one hockey fan Los Angeles can do without.